Once again, my lunchtime running helped clear my head. Since my mom passed away a week ago, I haven't really talked too much about what happened. It's not like I didn't know it was going to happen soon, I guess it's just one of those things that no matter how prepared you are, you still aren't prepared for death when it happens. I miss being able to call my mom and just talk about whatever is going on with the family or the kids, etc. I was happy that she was at least able to see Brandi, even though she didn't get to hold her at all. I wish should could have gotten a chance to hold my little girl. Brandi has brought such a happiness to my life that I really missed. She is just such a happy baby and that makes me happy. God always knows exactly what to do for you to help you through a situation. I truly believe he gave me Brandi before taking mother to be with him, to help me cope with this situation. She's the little girl I always wanted, now don't get me wrong, I was very happy and content with just Kodie but having a girl, it's just different. I love it just as much as I love having my son. I'm so glad that I have a boy and a girl, now, I definitely feel complete.
July 31, 2008
July 27, 2008
What is it about ex-wives that can make you feel so uncomfortable? Is it the way you think your husband is still looking at them? Is it the way that your husband and his ex-wife will always have a connection and the little talks that you can't join in? Is it the way she can always get what she wants from him and he can't even see that he is always giving in to her? I think that is what bothers me the most. She can cuss at him, yell at him, not even bother to pick up their son when she is supposed to, tell complete lies about us, and yet she seems to always get what she wants. Oh, don't get me wrong, she's a very beautiful woman, but she is a very jealous and revengeful woman, too. She is very manipulative, conniving along with a few other adjectives that I can think of. How can someone who was supposedly such a good person, not even want to bother with their son? That still boggles my mind. You have a child, but all you can think to do with them is push them off on someone else and by making a phone call - you've done something. Yeah right - whatever - the only thing she seems to get done is causing trouble. This was sort of a vent blog, in that I can't always just keep complaining to my husband about his ex and the way she just uses him (us) and takes advantage of us so we can baby sit her son. Well, I guess that's enough on that subject because I could go on for days if I was allowed to.
July 23, 2008
I lost my mother, Thursday, July 17, 2008. It was a very difficult phone call to get. We've been dealing with her body basically just giving up for the past year. She's been in and out of the hospital, assisted living and finally a nursing home. Everyone always says they will never put their parents in a nursing home, but you just never know what life is going to bring and how you will have to deal with situations. I hated seeing her there, but there just wasn't any other way. We didn't have the money for a full-time nurse and she just deteriorated so quickly. This was a very say and difficult thing to watch - your parent - miserable, in pain and you are basically helpless - at least that's how you feel. I have this feeling of loneliness and sadness that I'm really not sure how to deal with. How do you deal with something like this? Is there a way to deal with something like this? I'm not sure there is. I have finally gone back to work, it's only been 3 days and I'm not sure I should be at work. Every time someone says they're sorry for my loss, I just start crying, I'm not sure that I'm ready for this. When I was walking up to the building I felt this unbelievable sadness just take over me. When you lose someone who is as special as your mother, there are no words that can make you feel better or comfort you.
July 17, 2008
Wow, I still can't believe that today is my one year anniversary!! The first year went by so fast. I've been reflecting all day on the past year, on all the good and bad things that have happened. First I got married, July 17, 2007 in Las Vegas, NV! What an amazing day! I wouldn't have changed anything about my wedding day. I am a strong believer in destination weddings. It was a lot less stress on me and my husband. Secondly, I got pregnant really fast. I took my IUD out thinking that it might take a while, considering my age (36-at the time, currently 37) and the fact that I had the IUD in for so long (almost 7 years), but of course God had other ides, I got pregnant right away and now I have a beautiful, bouncing, baby girl (Brandi). Now, here we are a year later and I think I'm more in love with my husband than the day I married him. I know I talk about how wonderful he is, but he really is . . . I wouldn't lie.
I've attached a couple of pictures from my wedding so you can see how much fun we were having. The photographer was very knowledgeable and did a great job (and quickly too).
July 14, 2008
Yesterday we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday (won't say how old). A big group of family and friends went out to eat at Red Lobster and it was nice. Now, I'm not a big fan of Red Lobster, but it was nice for everyone to get together and laugh, tell jokes and old stories. I love sitting around and listening to old stories from your elders. You can learn so much from their experiences. I'm usually the quiet one because I just like to take it all in. Without saying a word, you can learn a lot about family that you ordinarily wouldn't know. I think sometimes in life you have to learn to sit back and take in your surroundings, you'll learn more without ever saying a word. Our elders are who we should learn from and the older you get, the more you realize how much of what your parents and grandparents were trying to tell you was so true!!! I hear myself saying to my son, some of the same things my mom used to say to me. It's funny how that happens. I often wonder what my life would have been like, if I would have just listened back then to what she was saying instead of thinking I knew it all. Of course all teenagers think they know everything, until later in life. I guess birthdays always make you reflect on your life and the way we have lived it.
July 11, 2008
I have decided to start a Crossfit Challenge. I want to see just how well these workouts are and how far I can take my body. Of course, I would like to drop about 15 lbs. before the Las Vegas Marathon December 7, 2008. So I will be posting my daily workouts and my weekly stats to see where I need more improvement. I'm really intrigued by these workouts and the shape of the tainers, therefore the only TRUE way to gauge something is to do it yourself. So I will start my journey to the marathon, tomorrow, Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 6:30 am. I will conduct my first Crossfit workout. I will keep you posted on how things are progressing. I am going to loosely follow the Crossfit WOD . . . www.crossfit.com.
July 10, 2008
Look at how cute Brandi is! She's so cute and has such an amazing personality- it definitely shows in her pictures. I had these pictures taken at Studio One to One in Willowbrook Mall. They did a fantastic job and really captured her happiness. I also ordered a black framed picture that has 4 different poses in it, as well as her name on it. Too cute! You should really check out their website and see what they are all about http://www.s121.com/. Now I need to take some pictures with me and her together and then some of her and brother. Those would be some great pictures!
July 9, 2008
Since I've been trying to lose weight, I've been eating Subway either for lunch or dinner. I don't get the sandwhich, but I get the whole wheat wrap with turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, jalapaneos, and banana peppers. I love it because I don't feel heavy and full after my meal. I feel just "satisfied". I think that is the mistake that a lot of people make when they eat, they want to feel full, instead of just satisfying the fact that they need food for fuel. I've done pretty well with getting these last few baby weight pounds off. I'm almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm also trying to tone up again. I used to have such good muscle tone, now . . . not so much, but I know it will get there with hard work and determination. I've also been keeping up with my running too. I run 3 days a week during lunch and once on the weekends. Seems to be going well and my endurance is getting better. I can't wait to get to Las Vegas and run the marathon. I don't know if I'm more excited about the marathon or sight seeing while running! Either way, I'm going to get to see 26.2 miles of Las Vegas!!!!!! Can you tell how excited I am?!? So, I'm going to continue on my path of running and Subway until I get to Vegas!!!!
July 8, 2008
I love mixing different beauty products. Take for instance today, I have on Avon's retroactive youth extending cream, Maybelline's Brick Rose Blush and Great Lash in Jet Black (the only mascare worth using) and Calvin Klein's Obsession. I don't use a lot of makeup normally because I think women are more beautiful if they don't cake on the makeup. I know there are times when you should use more, but I can't stand it when women use so much makeup you can see it from a mile away. I like the more natural look, with just enough . . . Beauty products should be used to enhance your natural beauty, not make you look like a totally different person.
July 2, 2008
The title says it all!!! Today I had some things on my mind and once I hit the pavement at lunchtime, I felt much better! Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in a million different directions, and yet you are still trying to keep your home life in tact? That's exactly how I feel. The funny part is that I love my home life. I have wonderful kids and a wonderful husband who loves me more than I could have asked for! He treats me like a queen (of course I call myself "Queen B") and one of the thing he gets really mad at me for is not giving enough attention. I know that may sound silly, but in the end he's right. I get up early every day to get myself together, fix us some breakfast, get Brandi's bottles and bag ready to take to the babysitter, get Kodie up and fix his lunch to take with him to the YMCA, then switch out the laundry (if need be), then wake up Brandi and get her ready to leave, then I clean up my bedroom (i.e. make the bed, pick up Brandi's stuff and take Chico out to use the restroom), give my husband a quick kiss and I'm off to start my day. I work until 5:00 pm pick up Kodie on my days, then pick up Brandi, go home, unpack everything, wash baby bottles, figure what's for dinner, go to either practice or a game (if we have one that night), do some laundry, feed Brandi, play with Brandi, and try to watch some TV, finally put Brandi down about 10:30 pm or 11:00 pm, and finally lay down to go to sleep. Did you notice that I didn't really put any quality time in with my husband? I guess I take for granted the fact that he there and just wants some of my attention. We haven't seen each other since about 7:00 am and we might talk a little during the day, but not much and some days not at all. I'm trying my hardest to keep my house clean, keep the laundry from becoming a mountain (which we all know is a feat in and of itself) and give everyone as much attention as I can muster. Needless to say, I'm falling a little short. I love my husband more than I could ever express in words, I guess I just need to learn to slow down and show him more. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up July 17, 2008. I'm so excited, but haven't exactly figured out what I'm going to do since the first anniversary is paper. I'm sure I'll think of something.
July 1, 2008
I'm so exhausted today. Brandi decided to wake up at 2:00 am for a bottle, then woke up again at 5:00 am ready to play. I get so tired and frustrated but then I look at her laughing and you can't help but laugh with her. She has that toothy grin and you just want kiss her chunky cheeks (and of course that is what I end up doing). But now that I'm at work, I can hardly keep my eyes open. This is when you have to fight to keep your calm, otherwise you'll just fall asleep at the desk. Thank goodness I have my running to give me a little energy and keep my sanity. Looking forward to my runs helps me stay focused and not give in to the exhaustion (but believe me, I want to). It's weird how I can be so tired, but when I have the chance to lay down and take a nap, I can't. I have a million things on my mind that I need to make sure are done. I think it's because I want to go to bed at a decent time and not wake up until I have to get up for work. I, however, have a new alarm clock - and her name is Brandi! She has definitely gotten me on her schedule. Funny how kids will do that to you. Of course, I wouldn't change any of this for the world. These experiences that I am currently going through will be something to talk about for a long, long time.